How To Rattle Your Teacher

, , , , , | Learning | December 12, 2013

(A group of us are renting out a nature center to do an unrelated overnight retreat. It is the morning and we are eating breakfast. The wildlife experts start coming in, bringing some animals with them.)

Snake Owner: “Hey. This snake isn’t poisonous. Any of you want to hold it?”

Me: “Ooh! I do! I do!”

Snake Owner: “Cool. I need to run back to my car. Just hold on to it for a sec, will you?”

(The snake owner runs off to his car. In the meantime, the snake is slithering around in my hoodie, and eventually nestles in the hood. The teacher in charge of the retreat walks in.)

Teacher: “Hey, [My Name]. We need you to—”

(The snake rears up suddenly.)

Teacher: “AHHH! Oh, my God. Don’t move! There’s a snake in your sweater!”

(I decide to make the best of it. I turn to look at my classmate.)

Me: “No! No! My lord! You promised if I retrieved the Horcrux, I could go free! Please!”

Classmate: *completely seriously* “Lord Voldemort has no mercy on Mudbloods. Nagini, STRIKE!”

Me: “Noooooooo!”

(I fell over as dramatically as possible without hurting the snake. The wildlife man came back in to find me on the floor, the teacher screaming, and my classmates dying of laughter.)


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