How To Put Out Fires At 30,000 Feet

We are en route to Saint Louis on a plane when I see a man lighting a cigarette.

Me: “Sir, we’re going to have to ask you to put that out.”

He replies in a very drunken voice.

Passenger: “And who’s gonna make me?”

Me: “Sir, I will call the captain if I have to.”

Passenger: “Captains are jus’ bus drivers.”

I call the captain, and he tells the man to put out the cigarette.

Passenger: “Get your a** back up there and drive this bus!”

The captain goes back to the cockpit.

Captain: “Unfortunately, we will have to be making an unscheduled stop. Flight attendants, please prepare the cabin for landing.”

Very soon, we were on the ground and the man was escorted away by the police.