How To Out-Baby A Baby

(I’m out shopping with my toddler when a woman suddenly stops in front of us with her cart. That’s when I notice that she’s gently tugging at her preschool aged daughter’s hand, trying to make her move out of the way of passers-by.)

Woman: “Come on, [Little Girl]. We’ve got to get home to make lunch for Daddy.”

Little Girl: *trying to pull her hand out of her mother’s grip* “No! I want to play that!”

(The little girl points at the claw machine near the front of the store and the woman sighs.)

Woman: “Not today, [Little Girl]. I don’t have any change to play it. We’ll have to play it next time.”

(At this point, the little girl sits down and crosses her arms and begins to pout.)

Little Girl: *sniffles and pretends to cry* “You’re so mean, Mommy!”

(At this point my toddler, who has been very intently watching the whole exchange, shakes his head.)

Toddler: *loudly as he points at the little girl* “Oh, no, no, no!”

(I can feel my face burning as I blush because my toddler is seemingly admonishing the little girl’s tantrum. The woman notices and points it out to her little girl.)

Woman: “Look at that! That little boy thinks you’re being bad!” *to me* “How old is he?”

Me: “He’s not quite two years old.”

Woman: “Did you hear that, [Little Girl]? You’re acting worse than that little baby right now. I thought you were my big girl.”

Little Girl: *quickly leaps to her feet* “I am a big girl! I’m sorry, Mommy!”

(The little girl then grabs her mother’s hand and skips out of the store alongside her.)

Me: *to my son* “I hope you stay this well-behaved for a long time yet.”

Toddler: *smiling* “Oh, nooo!”