How To Monday On A Saturday

(My former boss is an incredibly high-strung jerk without any kind of time management or people skills. I receive these shrieking voicemails on my personal cell phone one day when she’s on vacation. The first voicemail:)

Boss: “I have been trying to reach you and [Colleague #1] and [Colleague #2] at the office for an hour this morning. How dare you slack off like this?! We have deadlines! Just because I’m away does not mean you get to waltz into work whenever you feel like it! There are important cases that need to be done by the time I get back! If someone doesn’t call me back in the next ten minutes, you are all fired; do you understand me?! Your a** is out on the street, and I will make sure no one hires you! I will have you and [Colleague #1] disciplined by the [Licensing Authority]! YOU WILL NEVER WORK AGAIN!“

(Her screams toward the end escalate in volume and shrillness to the point where I can’t keep the phone against my ear. Then, I listen to the second voicemail.)

Boss: “Um, someone here pointed out that it is Saturday. Please ignore the last voicemail. But I expect you to call me as soon as you get in on Monday! We have important deadlines to make, and I’m extending my vacation, so I need you and [Colleagues #1 and #2] to be on the ball!”

(And she wondered why she couldn’t keep even incompetent employees, and why she didn’t have a better reputation in the field.)