How To Fail Before The Exam

| Learning | July 15, 2013

(I live in a student residence at university. Many of the university buildings are undergoing maintenance, so our function hall has been pressed into service as a venue for final examinations. The layout of our residence can be confusing, so there are signs up everywhere saying ‘Residents only beyond this point’ and directing visitors to the room where the exams are being held. I am walking along the main thoroughfare, just past the turn-off to the exam room. A visitor is walking just behind me.)

Visitor: “Hey! Hey, you! Are you thick or something?”

Me: *turning around* “What seems to be the problem?”

Visitor: “I can’t believe how dumb you young people are! Do you actually need us mature-age students to point out every f****** thing you do wrong?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but what—”

Visitor: *pointing to a ‘Residents only’ sign* “Read the f****** sign! The exam venue is that way, you f******* idiot!”

Me: “I think you misunderstand. I—”

Visitor: “Can’t f****** read? Yeah, I noticed. I hope you’re late for your exam!”

(The visitor actually IS going to make me late for my own exam, and I’m getting tired of the abuse, so I pull out my keys.)

Me: “Now look here, lady. See this key? See the insignia of [Residential Facility] stamped on it? I LIVE HERE. I have every right to walk past this sign, and if you continue to abuse me I will walk into that office right there and ask security to remove you from the site. Assuming you actually want to complete the exam you came here for, I think you’ll find it started five minutes ago.”

Visitor: *turning pale* “F*** you!”

(The visitor threw a notebook at me, and then SPRINTED in the direction of the exam room.)

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