“How To Be A Lawyer” For Dummies

(An older woman comes up to buy a book for her granddaughter.)

Me: “Did you find everything okay?”

Customer: “Well, I did have a question. You see…”

(She goes on to tell me a very long story about how she is drowning in credit card debt and can’t make her payments, and how the bank is going to take away her house soon. The entire story takes about ten minutes.)

Customer: “…So, I guess my question is, do you have any books that I could buy so I don’t have to hire a lawyer?”

Me: *stunned* “Um. Well, we have a finance section over there.”

Customer: “Those books are too expensive; I can’t afford to buy them.”

Me: “All right. Well, your total is $29.59.”

Customer: *pays with a credit card*

(I didn’t say anything at the time, but lady, there is no book in the world that will replace a lawyer, and you should probably not use credit cards if you’re drowning in credit card debt.)