How To Alienate Your Children

(My dad is explaining the first words he said to my mom when I was born.)

Dad: “Your mom just gave birth to you and I was holding you in my arms. She asked me, how does she look?”

Me: “What did you say?”

Dad: “I said, do you remember when they found ET in the ditch?”

Me: *blinks* “Thank you, for the complex, dad.”