How Sock-rilegious!

A concerned-looking customer approaches the customer service desk.

Customer: “I’d like to let you know that your socks… well… maybe you should come and see for yourself.”

Intrigued, I follow her to the sock section. They look normal, until she takes a pack of loose socks and pulls a piece of paper from it, and hands it to me. It’s a rather graphic piece of religious anti-abortion literature.

Me: “Oh my goodness.”

Customer: “They’re in every single sock.”

Me: “Please say you’re kidding.”

She was right. Every single loose sock had the same graphic flyer in it.

Me: “Okay, well, I’m going to have to go through all of these to get them out. Thank you for bringing it to our attention.

I call my manager over, and when I show her, she’s just as shocked as I am. Two other workers and I go through every single sock and remove almost three hundred of the d*** things. In the meantime, my manager goes back through the security footage to try to find the culprit. 

After we’ve gone through every sock, our manager comes back over.

Manager: “Good news, we found the culprit.”

Me: “Starting the sentence with ‘good news’ implies that there’s bad news.”

Manager: “He also got to every handbag and wallet.”

Me: “Nooooo!”