How May I Grope You

(Note: I am female, and so is the server.)

Server: “Hi! Take a seat anywhere. I’ll be with you in a minute.”

Me: “Oh, actually I just need something to go. I’ll wait by the counter. No hurry.”

Server: “Okey dokey! Oh! I love your shirt! Let me see!”

(Suddenly, she rushes over and PULLS my vest open at my chest to get a better look at my t-shirt.)

Me: *shocked* “AH! Okay, uh… thanks. I was just going to order some—”

Server: “Cute purse, too! Oh, I just have to show this to Cindy!”

(The server quickly slides the purse off my arm and brings it over to the other guests in the restaurant.)

Me: “Could I get that back? I just remembered I have to be somewhere.”

Server: *oblivious* “Where?”

Me: “Somewhere where no one will grab at my clothing.”

(I slowly back out of the restaurant. Through the window, I see the server watching me and tilting her head like a confused puppy.)