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How Many People Can You Fit On A Bike?

, , , , , , | Working | December 28, 2018

(I purchase a bike for my daughter for Christmas and pay the $10 assembly fee. It is a Monday. In the toy department:)

Toy Department Staff Member: “Our bike assembly guy comes in on Fridays. He’s supposed to give you a call after he’s done, but he’s been pretty slack with that lately, so just give us a call on Friday afternoon and we will check that it’s done and tell you when you can come and pick it up. Just take this docket to the registers to pay and fill out your details for the pickup.”

(At the registers:)

Cashier: “Our bike assembly guy comes in on Tuesdays and Saturdays in the lead up to Christmas. He’s pretty on top of things and will give you a call when he’s ready, so expect a call on either Tuesday or Saturday.”

(I get no call on Tuesday, and by the time Friday afternoon rolls around, I decide to give them a call to see.)

Phone Person #1: “Our bike assembly guy comes in on Thursdays, so it should be done. Can I get your name?”

Me: “[My Name].”

Phone Person #1: “Okay, I’ll just pop you on hold and make sure.”

(Hold music.)

Phone Person #2: “Hello. I’ve taken over your call. It was something about a bike?”

Me: “Yes, I purchased a bike on Monday and I’m checking to see if it’s been assembled yet.”

Phone Person #2: “Can I get your name, please?”

Me: “[My Name].”

Phone Person #2: “Okay, I’ll just put you on hold while I make sure it’s here.”

(Hold music.)

Phone Person #2: “Are you there?”

Me: “Yep.”

Phone Person #2: “What did it look like?”

Me: “It’s a child’s bike, purple with green on the seat and handlebars.”

Phone Person #2: “We have a lot of purple bikes here. Do you know the product number? It would be an eighteen-digit code that was on the box.”

Me: “You have the box.”

Phone Person #2: “Hold, please.”

(Hold music.)

Phone Person #3: “Hi. Can I get your name, please?”

Me: “[My Name].”

Phone Person #3: “Okay, I’ll just put you on hold for a moment and see if I can locate your bike.”

(Hold music.)

Phone Person #3: “I believe I have found it. Would you like to pick that up today?”

Me: “Yes.”

Phone Person #3: “Great, I’ll take it down to our loading dock. Just go there, ring the pickup bell, and have some photo ID ready.”

Me: “Did I need to bring anything else?”

Phone Person #3: “No, just the photo ID you gave when you made the order.”

(Half an hour later, I am attempting to collect the bike at the loading dock.)

Loading Dock Staff: “Receipt.”

Me: “Pardon?”

Loading Dock Staff: “The receipt for the bike; I need it to sign off.”

Me: “I was only told to bring my ID.”

Loading Dock Staff: “We don’t accept ID. We cannot release the product to you until you provide your proof of purchase.”

(I drive home, find the receipt, and drive back to the store.)

Loading Dock Staff: “Got the receipt this time?”

Me: “Here.”

Loading Dock Staff: “I’m not signing off that you’ve taken it until you can prove to me that you can fit it in your car.”

Me: “It will fit.”

Loading Dock Staff: “I’ll be amazed if it does.”

(I have a small car, but the bike fits easily into the back seat; it is a children’s sized bike, after all.)

Loading Dock Staff: “That’s not what I meant, but cool. Have a Merry Christmas.”

(I have never encountered a store that needs a team meeting anywhere near as badly as this store appears to.)