How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria?

(I go into work in a big box retailer one evening, and go to look at the assignment list. I see that a coworker, Maria, is scheduled to come in at the same time as me, and is assigned to children’s clothing. About two hours after my shift starts, another coworker comes up to me.)

Coworker: “Have you seen Maria?”

Me: “She’s supposed to be working back in children’s clothing, but I haven’t seen her once. She’s elusive, like a manatee.”

(I then think that maybe she wouldn’t appreciate being compared to a large, blubbery creature.)

Me: “Or Bigfoot.”

(Then I realized that wasn’t much better.)

Coworker: “Those are both elusive, but not very pretty.”

Me: “I’m trying to think of something elusive that’s more attractive.”

Coworker: “What about a unicorn? Or a mermaid? Maria the Mermaid.”

(A little bit later, a manager comes up to me to tell me that Maria had called in sick.)

Coworker: “Did you hear about Maria?”

Me: “That she called in sick? I guess she’s not a manatee.”

Coworker: “Or a mermaid.”