Hot-Headed About The Cold

(I am the guest services manager at a hotel. One morning I’m asked to come speak with an irate guest.)

Me: “Good morning. What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “The problem is I nearly froze to death in that room last night! Do you guys not know how to maintain your heating systems?”

Me: “I’m so sorry. Was the heat just not kicking on?”

Customer: “No! I kept setting it warmer, and the air kept getting colder. Every time I tried turning it down, the air got colder. This is ridiculous. You need to give me my money back or something.”

Me: “I’m sorry. You say you turned it down? As in, the number on the display screen was getting lower?”

Customer: “Yes! I set it to warm, and turned down the temperature, and it just got colder!”

Me: “Well, sir, lower temperatures are colder. You have to raise the temperature for heat. Did you try calling the front desk to ask for assistance with the heating system?”

Customer: “No, of course not. I just wanted to sleep. But I turned the heat up. I put it to warm, and put the heat up. Your air conditioner is not working. I demand compensation!”

(I give in and give the guy a 10% discount, and a further 20% off his next visit, promising to have maintenance “repair” the faulty A/C. Before leaving, however, he insists that I come to the room so he can show me the problem. We walk into the room, which is freezing cold. I take one look at the display screen and see the problem: the A/C is on and cranked to full blast with the temperature at its lowest setting. I press the button marked “heat” and raise the temperature, and hot air immediately starts blowing out of the unit.)

Me: “Well, it looks like the heat was never turned on. Glad to know we could resolve this problem before the next guest checks in here. Anything else I can—”

(With that, the guest turned red and ran from the room. He hasn’t been back yet.)