Why Horse Around When You Can Giraffe?

(I work night shift at a local hotel. About half an hour into my shift, the phone rings.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Hotel]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I got a question. What’s your policy on hotels?”

(The customer is obviously drunk.)

Me: *pausing, not quite sure if I heard properly* “I’m sorry, could you repeat that?”

Customer: “What’s your policy on hotels?”

Me: “Well, I like them.”

Customer: “So, if I come to your hotel and I don’t like it, you won’t kick me out?”

Me: “Nope, promise.”

Customer: “I got one more question. What if I want to bring some exotic animals with me?”

(At this point, all doubt that this is a prank call is gone; in fact, in the hotel industry, this is a fairly common prank. I decide to have some fun with the ‘customer.’)

Me: “Well, you could certainly eat them on the way.”

Customer: “No, I don’t want to eat them. I want to bring them as pets.”

Me: “Sorry, we don’t allow any pets.”

Customer: “What about a miniature giraffe?”

Me: “Sure, you could eat that on the way.”

Customer: “But I don’t want to eat it.”

Me: “Why not? You should expand your horizons. It might be delicious. You don’t know!”

Customer: “That’s a really expensive meal, though.”

Me: “Well, sometimes you have to treat yourself!”

Customer: *laughs, hangs up*

(I share the story with the bartender and his friend who happens to be present, and we all get a good chuckle. Perhaps five minutes later, the phone rings again. Our caller ID tells me that it’s the same person.)

Customer: “Yes, I’m calling to find out where you are.”

Me: “We’re at [Address, plus directions].”

Customer: “Okay, I have another question. What’s your pet policy?”

Me: “Well, we allow miniature giraffes.”

Customer: *laughs uncontrollably*

Me: “Were you aware that we have caller ID, Mr. [Customer]? Because we totally do.”

Customer: *click*

(He didn’t call back after that.)