Boy Oh Boy!

, , , , , , | Hopeless | July 1, 2018

(While I’m in college, I waitress at a dine-in movie theater. One evening, I have a couple of teenage boys in my section. Because they’re sitting weirdly far apart and keep exchanging nervous glances, I ping them as an adorable couple, albeit one that hasn’t spent much time together in public, as this is in a conservative state.)

Me: “Hi, I’m [My Name], and I’ll be your server this evening. Can I get you anything to drink while you look over our menu?”

Boy #1: “I’ll take a root beer.”

Boy #2: “[Soda], please.”

Me: “And will that be together or separate?”

(Both freeze slightly, but [Boy #2] reaches over and takes [Boy #1]’s hand.)

Boy #2: “To… together. We’re together.”

Me: *deliberately nonchalantly* “I just need to know if you’re getting separate checks.”

(Both visibly relax and move closer to each each other.)

Boy #2: “One check, please. He paid for the tickets, so I’m getting dinner.”

Me: “Solid plan. We’ll have those drinks right out for you.”

(I make sure to go above and beyond with them, and each time I see them, they look more comfortable. By the time I go to cash them out, [Boy #1] is curled up on the seat with his head in [Boy #2]’s lap.)

Boy #2: *signs credit card slip and returns it* “Hey, miss? You were excellent. Thank you.”

Me: “Are you kidding? You’re the cutest couple I’ve ever seen. You made my night. Possibly my week. Enjoy the show.”

(Three years later, I still randomly think about the Extremely Cute Couple, and I hope they’re still together.)

Katrina Still Ain’t Got Nothing On Me

, , , , , | Hopeless | June 29, 2018

(It’s 2005, and I’ve gone south to volunteer in a shelter after Hurricanes Katrina and Rita. One of the shelter residents is elderly and frail, and we are able to get her temporarily lodged in a local nursing home while we locate her family. She is from way down in the southwest part of the state, almost a hundred miles away. I am on the phone to a nurse at the home, explaining.)

Me: “We’re trying to find a way to get her home; unfortunately, she doesn’t have transport, and her family can’t come and get her. I’m going to be calling some of the churches in [Her Hometown] to see if we can arrange something.”

Nurse: “You’re at [Shelter], aren’t you?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Nurse: “Is [Deputy] there? Tell him to come talk to me.”

(There are a couple of local law enforcement personnel providing security at the shelter. The deputy in question is, in fact, on duty that day, and I call him to the phone. He is the size of a small truck, has a shaved head and a grim face, and looks like he eats live alligators for breakfast. He puts the phone to his ear and…)

Deputy: *in a deep bass rumble* “Hello?” *suddenly his expression changes, as does his tone of voice* “Yes, Mamma.”

(And that is how a little old lady got a ride home courtesy of the local sheriff’s office.)

Katrina Ain’t Got Nothing On Me

, , , , | Hopeless | June 27, 2018

(I’m volunteering in a shelter after Hurricane Katrina. One of the residents is a frail, elderly woman; she is all alone and possibly suffering from dementia. She is barely able to tell the medical staff her name, and any paperwork and records were lost when she was evacuated a second time — before Hurricane Rita hit, many shelters housing Katrina evacuees were moved because they were in the path of the second hurricane. I just happen to be getting a cup of coffee in the staff room when the medical officer is lamenting to the shelter manager that they are getting nowhere trying to find her family.)

Me: “Are you talking about Mrs. [Common Last Name]?”

Doctor: “Yes. Nobody seems to know anything about her except that another resident thinks she may be from [Mid-Sized Town on the coast].”

(Like me, the doctor is from a major city, but I now live in a fairly rural area. I have an idea and Google [Mid-Sized Town]’s City Hall. The receptionist at City Hall doesn’t know our lost lady, but she gives me the number to the local senior services office. The woman who answers the phone there almost screams when I tell her my errand.)

Woman: “You have Mrs. [Common Last Name]? My Lord, her son is frantic! She’s been missing for almost two weeks!”

Doctor: *somewhat later* “What an incredible piece of luck, that woman knowing Mrs. [Common Last Name]. What if she hadn’t?”

Me: “Then I would have started calling every single church in [Mid-Sized Town] until I found someone who did.”

(I’m not exactly Sherlock Holmes; you just have to know where to look.)

That’s Some Real Surreal Encouragement

, , , , , , | Hopeless | June 25, 2018

Due to some budget cuts, the university I attend has had to make some buildings multipurpose. That means that people with different majors have to share buildings in order to use the classrooms, labs, and halls we need.

I am studying music, and I’m about to go on stage for my final grade. Needless to say, I’m freaking out with nerves.

Earlier in the day, we were warned not to go to the top floors of the theater, as they were being used as workshops for experimental artists. While I’m pacing around, I hear a noise and look up. There’s a young woman in protective gear leaning on the railing and staring at me.

She gives me a thumbs-up.

My first reaction is to laugh at the hilarity of the situation. Here’s a six-foot-tall violinist in a rented tux wearing a hole on the floor, being cheered up by some girl with a gas mask and a dirty lab coat. She doesn’t laugh, but points at the backstage door as if saying, “Go out there and floor ’em, man!”

And so I do. Thank you, girl in the gas mask, for giving me the weird encouragement I needed.

Introducing The Not Always Right Store

Friendly Healthy Hopeless Learning Legal Related Right Romantic Working | June 25, 2018

Hey readers!

After our accidental announcement two weeks ago, we’re delighted to announce we are launching the Not Always Right Store today — for real this time!

For the past 10 years, our community has shared stories of humor, frustration, and compassion with each other.

We want to continue our purpose of bringing our community closer together by unveiling our latest creation with you: the Not Always Right Store!

Read more and get 25% off your first purchase!

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