Serving Your Pie And Eating It Too

, , , | OH, USA | Hopeless | March 21, 2016

(Three teenagers come into the restaurant where I work.)

Teenage Girl #1: “Okay, so we’ll have three large fountain drinks, six orders of fries, three cookies, and one large pepperoni pizza with stuffed crust.”

Me: “Okay, that’ll be [amount].”

(They pay and sit down at a table together with their order. Much to my surprise, Teenage Girl #2 and Teenage Boy get out their own packed lunches and put them in the middle of table to share. They all eat, everyone having a bit of everything. As I sit down at a nearby table for my break, I overhear them talking.)

Teenage Girl #2: “Okay, so maybe ordering a large pizza WASN’T the greatest idea.”

Teenage Boy: “It was the extra fries that did it for me.’

Teenage Girl #1: “So what do we do with the extra pizza?

Teenage Girl #2: “The box is too big for us to lug it around.”

Teenage Boy: “Well, crap. We just wasted some money.”

Teenage Girl #2: “Wait, I have an idea!”

(She gets up, takes the box, and walks over to me while her friends watch on in confusion.)

Teenage Girl #2: “Do you like pepperoni pizza?”

Me: “Um, yeah?”

(Without another word, she drops the box in front of me and walks away. She and her friends leave the restaurant before I get a chance to say thank you. For the record, the pizza was delicious!)

BOGO: Buy One Give One

, , | Atlanta, GA, USA | Hopeless | March 20, 2016

(I’ve been helping a customer who’s about to get a great deal because of a BOGO promotion in the store. She also has a coupon for a free item. Even I am impressed with the amount of products she’ll get for free. I’ve been helping her select lotions and fragrances on the floor.)

Customer: “Well, I have so much already. I don’t know what to pick out next. What would you recommend? What’s your favorite fragrance?”

(I show her my favorite fragrance and she adds a lotion to her bag before she heads to the register to check out. She comes back to me after she makes her purchases.)

Customer: “Thanks so much for your help today!”

(Surprisingly, she hands me a bag from our store with an item in it. Inside is my favorite lotion; she had used her coupon to treat me!)

Little Nuggets Of Interest

, , | Dublin, Ireland | Hopeless | March 19, 2016

(I am providing a tour through Ireland and explaining its history.)

Me: “…and then the Danish Vikings and the Norse Vikings got together, and created the most fantastic thing in the world. Does anyone know what that is?”

Young passenger: “Chicken nuggets!”

Me: “I was going to say red hair, but that answer just blows mine out of the water!”

Hair Is Where The Heart Is

, , | | Hopeless | March 18, 2016

Original Story: Hair Is Where The Heart Is

Getting His Just Desserts

, , , | USA | Hopeless | March 18, 2016

(I am on a first date with a guy I met online. We got on very well over email, but I am painfully shy around new people in person, and it’s causing some awkwardness. As we’re walking down the street, he spots an ice cream shop and offers to treat, so we go inside where a teenage employee is waiting on the only other customers: a polite elderly couple.)

Elderly Man: “Do you know what kind of sweetener is in the sugar-free vanilla? I’m on a new medication, and I’m not supposed to—”

Teenage Employee: *rolls his eyes* “No.”

Elderly Man: “Oh, dear. Well, could you possibly find out?”

Teenage Employee: “I mean, I dunno…” *deep sigh* “…like, Splenda or something.”

Elderly Woman: “Are you sure, dear? Because it could really hurt him if—”

Teenage Employee: “Listen, I told you, I DON’T KNOW! If you can’t have ice cream, then don’t get ice cream and stop wasting my time!”

Elderly Man: “Oh, I’m sorry…”

(The elderly man and his wife turned red immediately and start to back away from the counter, embarrassed. At this point, my date steps up and stops them, and then addresses the teenage employee at the counter.)

My Date: “Listen, it’s really no rush for us. If you could just find out what sweetener you use so these folks can get their ice cream, we don’t mind waiting.”

Teenage Employee: “Ohmygawd, stay out of it, sir!”

My Date: “I will not. It’s a simple question, you can certainly take the five seconds to see if someone knows. ”

Teenage Employee: “Oh my God! I already said I don’t know! ”

My Date: “Then find someone who does, or at least might. It’ll take five seconds.”

Teenage Employee: “IT WON’T TAKE FIVE SECONDS BECAUSE NOBODY KNOWS AND THESE OLD FARTS ARE JUST WASTING EVERYBODY’S TIME!” *to the couple* “WHY DON’T YOU DO THE WORLD A FAVOR AND JUST DIE ALREADY!”

My Date: *quietly livid* “Get your manager. Now.”

Teenage Employee: “GAWD, whatever!”

(He storms off into the back, and my date turns to apologize profusely to the elderly couple. A few seconds later, the owner appears and my date calmly explains what has just happened.)

Owner: “Mr. Harper, is this true?”

Elderly Man: “Afraid so, Bobby. Margaret and I were going to leave and start going somewhere else, but this young man intervened.”

Owner: “Well, I’m sure glad he did! I’ll help you find something suitable, sir, complimentary of course.” *to my date* “These two are some of my best customers! I promise you, this will be dealt with. In the meantime, let me just help the Harpers real quick, but then whatever you want is on the house as well.”

My Date: “Oh, that’s not—”

Owner: “Please, I insist.”

(My date agrees, and then turns back to join me. Again, being painfully shy, I had watched the entire exchange silently, but my shock is pretty clear. My date laughs to ease the tension.)

My Date: “I swear, I didn’t do that just for free ice cream. I just hate when people disrespect their elders.”

(I ended up marrying him.)

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