Alls Well That Bookends Well

, , , | Fort Worth, TX, USA | Hopeless | March 22, 2016

(A sharply-dressed man comes to the counter with a woman of his age and a 5-year-old kid walking near them.)

Me: “Can I help you, sir?”

Man: “Yes, can you tell the price of those books, please?”

(He hands me a list, and I use it to calculate the total price of the books in question.)

Me: “Okay, the total comes to $242.14.”

Man: “Alright. Do you take debit cards?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Man: “Ten years ago, when I was a teen, we stole those books in your shop with my wife here as a student prank. Now that we both have a good job, we want to show my kid that you must fix your errors in life.”

(I stayed speechless for a good minute before taking his payment. If there’s a “Customer of the Month” award, this family takes the cake!)

Good News For (A Heckuva Lot Of) Change

, , , | NY, USA | Hopeless | March 22, 2016

(The following happens when a well-dressed man comes in with bags full of sweets and gifts.)

Customer: “What’s your favorite flavor?!”

Me: “I like the lemon.”

Customer: “Then, give me that! A large! It’s for my wife!” *shakes with excitement*

Me: “I guess those presents and sweets are for her, too?”

Customer: *shakes with even more excitement* “YES! Yes they are!”

Me: “Here you go. That will be five dollars—”

Customer: *unable to contain himself* “MY WIFE IS PREGNANT! PREGNANT! I’m going to have a little son or daughter! HIGH FIVE!”

(The customer proceeds to high five me over the register and throws a bill onto the table.)

Customer: “I’m going to be a dad! Keep the change!” *skips out of the store*

(The bill he threw? It was $50!)

Grandma Won’t Be Outmatched

, , , , , | IL, USA | Hopeless | March 22, 2016

(I’m a customer and am standing in line at the checkout behind a very sweet-looking little old lady. She’s a stereotypical, blue-haired, tiny woman dressed in a very nice yellow and pink pantsuit. The cashier is a nice-looking young man in his late teens or early twenties.)

Little Old Lady: *to the cashier* “You know, you’re a very handsome young man, and you can hold down a job. That’s a good thing.”

Cashier: “Thank you, ma’am.”

(The lady then proceeds to chat in a very friendly manner to the cashier. While talking, she’s very slowly and carefully placing one item at a time on the conveyor.)

Little Old Lady: “So, I think my granddaughter would be perfect for you. She’s just turned nineteen, she has a nice job of her own, and she’s pretty. You boys like redheads, right?”

Cashier: *dazed look*

Little Old Lady: “You really should meet her. I just know you two would be perfect for each other! I know these things!”

Cashier: “Um, ma’am—”

Little Old Lady: “So, what do you say? Would you like to meet my Linda?”

Cashier: “Ma’am, I’m gay.”

(At this, the sweet-faced little old lady just blinks and smiles.)

Little Old Lady: “Okay, so you need to meet my grandson instead!”

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I Have A Good Feeling About This

, , , | FL, USA | Hopeless | March 21, 2016

(Our shop sells a lot of space-themed items, including a good deal of Star Wars merchandise. I am approached by two guys in their early 20s.)

Guy #1: “Excuse me, miss, but we’re about to get kicked out of your store.”

Me: “For what?”

Guy #2: “Lightsaber fighting!”

(They turn to a Star Wars display, each take a lightsaber off the rack, and spend a second figuring out how to turn them on. Right away, I duck behind the registers and return with two open lightsabers we have behind the counter from returns.)

Me: “Here, try some without the packaging.”

Guy #1: “SWEET!”

(They activate the lightsabers and proceed to have a high-energy duel in the middle of the shop, to the amusement of my coworkers and the other customers. When one wins, they deactivate and hand the lightsabers back to me.)

Guy #2: “Best. Store. Ever.”

(They left without buying anything, but with huge smiles on their faces!)

We Love To See You Smile

, , | NC, USA | Hopeless | March 21, 2016

(I am having a terrible day at work, and haven’t smiled once. I have just finished ringing up an older couple’s order.)

Me: “Have a good day.”

Older Customer: “Do you have any paper?”

(I give the customer some receipt paper. He gets a pen, quickly scribbles something on the paper, and hands it to me.)

Older Customer: “Everyone deserves to smile.”

(The customer then walked away. I looked at it and he had drawn me a flower. I still have it. 🙂 )

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