Lightening In A Bottle

, , , | | Hopeless | March 15, 2016

(The wine store I work at has a fully functional bar. On this particular night, the store is very busy as we are having a wine tasting that is open to the public. This day also happens to be the one before my birthday. I am mixing a drink for a well-to-do regular customer).

Customer: “So, how have you been lately?”

Me: “Pretty good.”

Customer: “What time will you be in tomorrow?”

Me: “I actually have the day off. It is my birthday.”

Customer: “Oh, is it? Did [Owner] get you anything nice?”

Me: “I doubt it.”

Customer: “Well, that is too bad. Hey, could you help me find a good Portuguese wine?”

(For the next ten minutes, I show him red blends, Riojas, and other wonderful Portuguese wines.)

Customer: “If you could get any of these, which would you get?”

Me: “Well, that depends. Most of these are out of my price range, but this $10.99 bottle would be great.”

Customer: “But I want the best one that is over here, regardless of price.”

(I show him a really good one that is $60 a bottle.)

Customer: “I want this one. Can I buy it, set it on the counter, and enjoy some more drinks at the bar?”

Me: “Absolutely!”

(The customer stays for a few more hours talking to me about the college I went to, and jobs I am interested in. About an hour before closing, he says it is time to go, and heads to the counter where his purchases are still sitting. I proceed to clean up the bar as he approaches me.)

Customer: “I thought it a shame that a person as friendly and knowledgeable as you didn’t get a birthday gift after working here for years. This is yours.”

(He handed me a wrapped bag, and when I unwrapped it, it was the expensive wine I had recommended. As I looked up to thank him, he was already out the door, but he gave me a wave and a large smile. It is people like that who make working a minimum wage job worth it!)

Abandon All Mope Ye Who Enter Here

, , , | VIC, Australia | Hopeless | March 15, 2016

(I’m a 21-year-old girl at work and feeling a bit sad, having broken up with my long-term boyfriend earlier in the week. One of our regular customers, who is 24, is standing around talking to me and my female coworker. Another regular customer, a lovely elderly German man who we call ‘Dante’ because of his favourite game, comes in shortly afterwards.)

Me: *to Dante* “Hello! How’s Dante’s Inferno going?”

Dante: “Oh, it’s just great! I love it. But I’ve been playing some other games lately…”

(He goes on to tell us what he’s been up to. The young customer joins the conversation, too. Once Dante has finished telling us what games he’s playing, he turns to the young customer.)

Dante: “So, why do you hang around here, young man? I hope you’re not troubling these lovely girls.”

Young Customer: “Nah, I just hang around and talk, really.”

Dante: “Ahh, I see. You like one of these girls, huh? I know you do!”

Young Customer: *laughs and turns red* “How do you know that?”

Dante: “Well, if you come in every day just to chat, you must not have a girlfriend.” *turns to me* “Darling, are you single?”

Me: “Umm, yeah. I am.”

Dante: “You two should get together! You’re nice and he’s nice…” *turns back to the young customer* “…and you’d get free games!”

Young Customer: “Oh, I dunno. She probably wouldn’t give me free games.”

Dante: “Yes, she would! You’d be her boyfriend. She’d have to!” *turns to me and steps closer, talking softly in my ear* “Just think about it, yes? He’s a good boy. He’d be lucky to have a girl like you!”

Me: *grinning ear-to-ear* “Thanks, I’ll think about it!”

(Two months later, I realised how much of a ‘good boy’ the young customer really was, and it turned out that he’d had a crush on me for a while. We’ve been seeing each other for 8 months now, and a few weeks ago I ran into Dante at a local coffee shop. When I told him he’d been right about us, he was over the moon!)

Having A Better Hair-Day

, , , | BC, Canada | Hopeless | March 15, 2016

(My family is in our car getting ready to leave. As a side note, my mom has been having a very bad day and is close to tears. Random woman approaches the car and taps on the glass.)

Mom: “Yes, is there anything you need?”

Random Woman: “Oh, no, I just noticed that you had a really nice hair style and you looked like you needed to hear something good.”

Mom: “Thank you! That really made my day.”

(The random woman just smiled and walked away. It was true, though. For the rest of the day my mom was smiling. It just goes to show that odd, yet thoughtful behaviour can really change a person’s day.)

R-E-S-P-E-C-T, Part 2

, , , , | NY, USA | Hopeless | March 15, 2016

(A mother and her two young children (both 4 or 5 years old) come through my checkout line. The mother is on her phone, totally oblivious to her children, who are running around and pulling on my apron strings. We have a spinning carousel with which to bag purchases; as I bag, the children begin spinning it around.)

Me: “No, no, sweetie… please don’t do that. I’m trying to bag.”

(Both children ignore me and keep spinning, and as a result I get hit by the carousel.)

Me: *in pain* “Sweetheart, please don’t do that.”

(The children continue to ignore me, so I put my knee on it so they can no longer spin it.)

Me: “Please don’t.” *to the mother* “Ma’am?”

Mother: *waves me off*

(I have to lift a 24-pack of water, so I remove my knee from the carrousel. As expected, the children take this opportunity to spin it as hard as possible. I set the water down and stop the carousel.)

Me: “Excuse me! When a grown up asks you to stop, you stop. This can hurt you if you get close, and we don’t want you to get hurt.”

Mother: “B****! Don’t tell my kids what to do!”

Me: “Ma’am, I asked them and I asked you to stop spinning the carrousel. Someone could get hurt.”

Mother: “That’s bulls***!”

(At this point, an elderly woman who has been waiting in line speaks up in my defense.)

Elderly Woman: “Miss, you keep on bagging. This little hussy here should learn to watch her children, and if she can’t, then she shouldn’t have had them!” *to the mother* “In my day, you would be nice to the people at the register! Now, get off the phone and show some respect, because without nice young girls like this you’d never get your groceries and your kids would probably be bleeding on the floor while you’re on the phone too busy to care! What have you to say for yourself?!”

(The mother was completely speechless and had nothing to say in her defense. Instead, she paid for her stuff and left as quickly as possible!)

 

So Much Pun

, , , | Springfield, MO, USA | Hopeless | March 14, 2016

(I’m zoning the laundry aisle at a popular retail store. An elderly couple walks down the aisle. The husband makes a pun of every name brand he walks by.)

Customer: “CHEER up, dear. We’re in a new ERA now. We’re ALL together, and have everything to GAIN. So SNUGGLE up, but be careful. There’s a TIDE coming in, so SURF’s up!”

(Best. Old dude. Ever.)

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