I Smell The Beer Of An Englishman

, , , | London, England, UK | Hopeless | March 17, 2016

(I have flown from the US to London, with a layover in NYC, and land on a Friday afternoon. I was not able to sleep on the flight at all, despite trying. Then, I have to take a one-hour train ride to London from the airport, followed by what feels like a very long walk to the office building where my best friend works. I’ve now gone almost twenty-four hours without sleep, and the walk has drained me much more than expected. I don’t yet have a UK SIM card for my phone, and I don’t know where to find wifi near his office, so all I can do is wait for my friend to get off work and meet me at the spot he asked me to be. I sit down on the steps with my bag, and without realizing it, I’ve nodded off to sleep. Some businessmen across the street enjoying some drinks at a pub call out to me.)

Businessman #1: “Oi, mate! You all right?”

Me: *bleary-eyed* “Huh? Oh, sorry. I’m fine; I haven’t slept in over a day… I just flew in from the US. I’m meeting my friend here. He should be out in…” *checks watch* “…a few minutes.”

(I stand up; obviously sitting won’t work.)

Businessman #2: “Oh, good, okay. We thought you were drugged out or something!” *mimes the motion of a head nodding side to side and forward* “Looked like you were on a bad trip!”

Businessman #1: “Hey, why not let me buy you a pint, mate? Help keep you awake!”

(I should have said yes, but politely declined, thinking in my state a beer was not the best idea. I did thank them for waking me up, as a police officer went by just as they did so. My friend found me a few minutes later, and as we left, the businessmen waved and wished me a good trip. Plenty of friendly Brits in England!)

Sticking It To The Miso-ji-stic

, , , | IL, USA | Hopeless | March 17, 2016

(A cashier at a video game store has been giving me a hard time for being a girl trying to buy several games, including using the phrase “get back in the kitchen.” My little brother, only 5 but incredibly smart, has been watching all this for over five minutes. He then interrupts me.)

Brother: *smiles innocently* “Hey mister, can I tell you something?”

Cashier: “Sure thing, kid.”

Brother: “You need to shut the f*** up and stop being a miso-ji-stic (misogynistic) a**butt who tells the local Mario Kart champion to go back in the kitchen, whatever that means! Check out the games before she blue-shells your a** to Chicago and back!”

Cashier: *turns red and shuts up*

(Speechless, the cashier checks out the games in record time while refusing to make eye contact with me. The cashier was gone a week later.)

American By Birth(s)

, , , | USA | Hopeless | March 16, 2016

(I just moved back to my home town. My mom and I are shopping. My mom walks away to get something while I am standing with the cart. A Muslim couple walks in. The woman is wearing a hijab. Another couple I know who live in my town, who are known to be racist, walks into the store, as well.)

Racist: “Go home, you d*** terrorist! This is a Christian nation! You foreigners are taking food stamps and welfare away from pure white Americans who need it!”

Woman: “I hope you know that I am American and I was born in the United States.”

Racist: “Yeah, right. The only true Americans are Christians!”

(I feel the need to intervene.)

Me: “You are not acting very Christian-like! Jesus loves everyone!” *to the Muslim woman* “I am sorry, miss. Not all us are like this.”

Woman: “I know, sweetheart.”

(My mother comes back and then gasps.)

Mother: “I can’t believe it!” *grabs my arm and pulls me towards the Muslim woman* “Honey, this woman is the doctor that delivered you as a baby!”

Woman: “Oh, wow! How are old are you now?”

Me: “21.”

Woman: “Wait, are you by any chance [My Name]?”

Me: “Yes, I am!”

Woman: “You are the first baby I ever delivered! I never forgot the name of the first baby I delivered!”

(The racist couple huffed and stomped off while we all caught up!)

Hair Is Where The Heart Is

, , , , | USA | Hopeless | March 16, 2016

(I’m traveling with my daughter to get her treatment for cancer. Since an old family friend lives in the area I have to take her for her treatments, we visit while we’re there and I meet his girlfriend for the first time. My daughter’s hair has just fallen out, and she admires the woman’s very long hair while we’re eating dinner. That weekend, the two of them stop by the hospital to visit and her very long hair is noticeably shorter.)

Daughter: *sadly* “Oh! You cut your hair!”

Friend: “Yup!”

Daughter: “If I had hair like yours, I’d never cut it.” *putting her hands on her scalp*

Friend: “Oh, really? I don’t mind it. I like doing new things with my hair, don’t you?”

Daughter: *sniffling* “Sometimes… I can’t wait for it to grow back!”

Friend: “Well, I have a surprise for you.”

(She took a wig out the box she had with her that looked like it would be about shoulder length on my daughter, and showed it to her. It turned out that a friend of hers was a wig maker, so she’d actually cut off a good deal of her own hair, and had it made into a wig. I hadn’t seen my daughter that happy since her diagnosis! She made a full recovery, and we just got a wedding invitation for those two last month!)

Just Beautiful Human Beings

, , | Groton, MA, USA | Hopeless | March 16, 2016

(I am 16, working in the kitchens at a summer camp I’ve been attending since I was about ten. A barbecue/buffet has been set up by the lake for the special needs adult campers, and being part of the kitchen staff, I am one of the staffers behind the line serving food.)

Camper: *smiling at me* “You’re gorgeous.”

(I can’t help but smile, and say the first thing that comes to mind.)

Me: “You’re gorgeous, too!”

(There are no words to describe how stunned and excited the man is when I say this to him, and he turns to the next camper in line, hitting him on the shoulder repeatedly to get his attention.)

Camper: *in a loud, hoarse whisper* “She thinks I’m gorgeous!”

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