Hopefully, They’ll Turn A Blind Eye

Our office has a small front porch area, screened in with a metal screen, bars, and a locking gate so we can securely store stuff there. I put my bike there during the work day, since there’s always someone at the front desk who can see it, but other than that, all that’s out there is empty water cooler bottles and a couple of random items.

One Sunday night, the porch was broken into by someone who cut a hole in the metal screen and reached in to unlock the door. Fortunately, there was nothing of value, so the thief just took some random things like a hand truck and a cooler that were out there. The office manager called the police as soon as she saw, and the police came and took some evidence.

Later, the office manager was telling my boss and me about it.

Office Manager: “We found a contact lens in its packaging out there, so the officer took that as evidence. None of you are missing a contact, are you?”

Boss: “Probably not… What type of contact?”

Office Manager: “It was a daily wear one, and the prescription was like -7.50; it was like a blind lady’s contact!”

Boss: “So, we’re looking for a blind thief!”

Me: “Wait… -7.50 is my prescription.”

Office Manager: “Do you wear daily contacts?”

Me: “Yes, when I’m not wearing my glasses… Hang on…”

I look in my purse, and I am indeed missing one of the spare contacts that I carry in case one falls out.

Me: “Crap.”

Office Manager: “Was that your contact?”

Me: “Yes! It must have fallen out of my bag when I was parking my bike out there! Now the police have it, with my fingerprints on it!”

Boss: “You’re the blind lady thief!”

Fortunately for me, the police in our city are famously lazy and they don’t investigate anything short of murder, so I’m not worried they’ll trace the contact lens back to me and arrest me.