Hope The New House Has A Panic Room

(My boyfriend is catching the train to come see me so we can sign a lease for a house. He calls me.)

Boyfriend: “An issue has occurred.”

(Seeing he’s the one the real estate’s been calling, I assume it’s got something to do with the house.)

Me: *nervously* “Yes?”

Boyfriend: “I can only catch an express train to come see you.”

(I’m confused, as this is a good thing.)

Me: “…so?”

Boyfriend: “Oh, I just felt like opening the phone call with ‘an issue has occurred’. You know, to raise your heart rate to mild panic attack and then bring it back down comfortingly. That way, you will either associate panic or comfort with me.”

(I am silent.)

Boyfriend: “…I’m hoping for the comfort.”

Me: “This wasn’t a well thought out plan, was it?”