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Honk If You Don’t Work Here

, , , , , , | Right | April 20, 2022

I am an assistant manager at our store. I’ve just started for the day when I hear a disturbing noise and take off toward it. I come around the corner to see a typical surfer dude in board shorts and a tie-dye T-shirt next to a middle-aged woman. The surfer dude is laughing maniacally and yelling at the top of his lungs.

Surfer:Honk! Dee daa dee daa! Hooooooooooooonk!

Woman: *Equally loud*You will respect me! Get me your manager! I will have you fired!

Me: “Both of you, please, stop. You’re disturbing other customers and scaring people!”

Surfer: “Sorry, man, I told her, like, um, a dozen times I don’t work here, and she just won’t stop bothering me.”

Woman: “Stop lying, you worthless piece of s***! You will respect me! You will do your job! I will have you fired!”

Surfer:Honk! Sorry… I tried communicating with her, but she’s just too crazy!”

Me: “Ma’am, he does not work here. Please leave him alone. And, sir, please, stop honking and just walk away! I am so sorry you’ve had to put up with this.”

Woman: *Turning on me* “No! He will not leave! He will do his d*** job! You’re in it with him! I will have you both fired! You won’t get away with this!”

Me: “Ma’am, if you don’t stop screaming immediately, I will have to have you removed from the building and will call the police. Whatever the issue, nothing justifies your behavior. Please stop shouting!”

At that time, the surfer dude turns and starts walking away. The woman immediately shrieks and rams her trolley into him. He’s a big guy, but she sends him flying and he cuts himself as he falls.

Woman: “You will not leave! You don’t turn your back on me! You will respect me!”

The surfer stands up dripping blood and starts walking toward her with murder in his eyes. Where moments before he’d been calm and laughing, he is suddenly very menacing. Fortunately, security arrives and various other people step between him and her.

Surfer: “That’s assault. She assaulted me and I am pressing charges. Call the police now.”

With security there, she was prevented from leaving, and when the police arrived and saw the video, she was arrested and charged with common assault and public nuisance. My manager gave the surfer dude a voucher for his troubles and he told us (backed up by video) that he had repeatedly told her that he did not work for us but she had followed him around the store for fifteen minutes yelling at him until he started honking back. Some people are just crazy.

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