Honey, You Don’t Know The Half Of It

(I was helping out a fellow co-worker by serving about three people at of her tables some decaf. At this point, the pitcher was half full.)

Me: “Is there anything else I can get for you?”

(The customer takes a sip of the decaf, makes a face, and SPITS IT OUT all over the table.)

Old Man: “Excuse me!”

Me: “What seems to be the problem, sir?”

Old Man: “You’re almost out of coffee. Do you know what this means?”

Me: “…that I have to make another pot?”

Old Man: “I taste coffee bean residue in here. I require that you give me another pitcher.”

Me: “No problem, sir…”

(I go and fetch the other decaf pitcher, which is also half full.)

Me: “Will this one do, sir?”

Old Man: “What is with you people trying to give me the bottom of the pitcher? I’M NOT A BOTTOM MAN!”

(I immediately ran back to the kitchen and laughed for about 10 minutes.)