Homocoholism

(My friend rings me. Before I can even say “hello,” she blurts out to following.)

Friend: “What if I told you that you’re gay because you drink too much?”

Me: “You drink more than I do.”

Friend: “But I’m a girl, and I just read that alcoholics are more likely to be gay.”

Me: “Probably because the stress and fear of your friends and family turning on you for being gay is enough to turn you to drink?”

Friend: “That’s silly. Anyway, I’m going to monitor your alcohol intake over the next year and see how gay you feel after I remove you from it.” *hangs up*

(Next stop: Ex-Friend City.)