Hit By A Realisation, Not A Car

(I have just left a grocery store and am getting ready to leave the parking lot. I’m getting things arranged when I hear a loud thump. A quick investigation reveals a rather inebriated man, about 50, standing next to my car.)

Me: “Are you okay?”

Inebriated Man: *slurred* “H*** no! You just hit me with your car!”

Me: *I raise my eyebrow* “Uh, no, I didn’t.”

Inebriated Man: “Yes, you did! I’m the pedestrian here and I had right of way.”

Me: “No, you didn’t and I’m fairly sure most people will agree with me.”

Inebriated Man: “H*** no! I’m going to sue the h*** out of you! Where’s your insurance information!”

Me: “In my glove box, where it will remain. You can try to sue me but I don’t think you’ll win.”

Inebriated Man: “The h*** I won’t! Give me one reason I shouldn’t call my lawyer right now!”

Me: “Well, for one, my car is parked so I couldn’t have hit you. Second, said car is off. Three, I’m standing beside my car holding my keys so I don’t think anyone else did either.”

(He looked at me for a few minutes as I slammed the trunk of my car, now filled with groceries. He glanced inside my car and confirmed it was, indeed, empty before he staggered off, whispering curses under his breath.)