His Support For You Is Integral

(My wife and I are chatting via Facebook from our respective workplaces.)

Wife: “I need to poop.”

Wife: “Very badly.”

(She is a schoolteacher, so she can’t just run to the bathroom whenever she pleases. Having said that, she has a “prep” period at the end of the day instead of students — and, if my understanding of her schedule is correct, it will begin shortly.)

Me: “Isn’t your prep soon?”

Wife: “10 min.”

Me: “YOU CAN DO IT!”

Me: “I TRUST IN THE INTEGRITY OF YOUR BUTTHOLE!”

Me: “THERE’S A SENTENCE I NEVER THOUGHT I’D SAY!”