His Sense Of Humor Is So Not The Bomb

Around 2013, I am managing a popular shoe store in an outlet mall. It is a pretty slow time of the year, so I have scheduled myself to close alone. Customers are mainly coming into the store one at a time, and at one point in the evening, this particular gentleman walks in.

Me: “Welcome to [Store]. What can I help you find today?”

Customer: “I need a new pair of shoes; those a**holes at the airport destroyed mine.”

Me: “Wow, that’s crazy. Did they get caught in the X-ray belt or something?”

Customer: “No, they did it right in front of me with a knife. I just need a pair for work right now.”

I help him find his size and get him set up with a few pairs to try on. He’s being a bit picky for someone who just needs a pair to get him by while traveling, but it’s not like I don’t have the time to give him individual attention. He finally picks out one of the pairs I brought him and asks the price.

Me: “This pair is $69.95.”

Customer: “Of course, you show me the most expensive ones in the store, you a**hole.”

Me: *Stunned* “Excuse me?”

Customer: *Laughs* “I’m just joking. I’ll take ‘em.”

Me: “We do have a second-pair-for-$10 promo right now if you liked any of the others, as well.”

Customer: “You f***er!”

Me: “Dude, I’m required to let you know the promo. You don’t need to take it.”

Customer: “I’m just kidding. I only want the one.”

I carry his shoes to the register and ask if he needs socks.

Customer: “I’ll burn this place down!”

Me: “Did I say something to upset you?”

Customer: “Man, no one has a sense of humor anymore.”

Me: “So, this whole thing about TSA cutting up your shoes… Did you make a joke about a bomb?”

Customer: “Like I said, no one has a sense of humor anymore.”

I just processed his transaction, and off he went.