His Inalienable Right To Boob

(I’m lying down on the couch and my boyfriend is bumping his head against my boobs.)

Me: “Honey, I don’t understand your mating rituals.”

Boyfriend: “It’s to confuse the aliens.”

Me: “Well, you’re confusing me.”

Boyfriend: “Then you must be an alien!” *grabs my shoulders and shakes me* “I must kill you!” *grabs my boobs* “How do you breathe? I bet it’s with these!”

Me: “This needs to go on the internet.”