His Friend John Smith Had The Same Problem

Me: “Thank you for calling [Office]. How can I help you?”

Patient: “I need to make an appointment.”

Me: “Okay, sir, what’s your name?”

Patient: “John Miller.”

Me: “And your birthday?”

Patient: “John Miller.”

Me: “I apologise, sir, I mean what’s your date of birth?”

Patient: *Pauses* “John Miller.”

Me: “Yes, I got your name, sir, but I need your date of birth now, please.”

Patient: “I don’t feel comfortable giving that to you.”

Me: “Okay. What about your phone number?”

Patient: “Just look up John Miller. You can’t have that many of those in [Small Town].”

Me: “That may or may not be true, but our office is nationwide. Your name is going to bring up every John Miller in fifty states, and if I narrow it to Texas, it’ll still be too many. May I please ask for something to help me narrow down your information?”

Patient: “No.” *Hangs up*