His Cart Is Full, His Brain Is Empty

| Learning | September 13, 2013

(I’m working in the student center at my school. It’s the first day of class and I’m in charge of handing out student ID cards. Returning students don’t need a new card, just the current sticker. There’s a long line of new students when a returning student barges his way to the front.)

Returning Student: “Gimme a sticker!”

Me: “I believe these students were here first.”

Returning Student: “I ain’t waiting in no line! I’m late for class; all I need is this year’s sticker.”

Me: “Well I’m not gonna fight this, so okay. Do you have your receipt?”

Returning Student: “My what?”

Me: “Your receipt, for proof of purchase.”

Returning Student: “I never got a receipt. I did this online weeks ago!”

Me: “Well, pull up your student account and show me your online receipt.”

(The returning student sits down at the available computer, muttering that he could’ve been in class by now if I just gave it to him. He flags me down and points to the screen. I notice that he did indeed check the box to purchase the ID card, but I also notice he hasn’t paid any of his fees yet.)

Me: “I’m afraid I still can’t give it to you yet”

Returning Student: “WHAT?! You’ve got to be kidding me! You asked for proof of purchase, and there it is. Now get me the f****** sticker!”

Me: “No need for cursing, but let me explain. You did technically buy the card, but you haven’t ‘bought’ for it.”

Returning Student: “What do you mean??”

Me: “This receipt says your total for the year is [amount]. It also says you’ve paid zero.”

Returning Student: “So?”

Me: “So pretend you’re on Amazon. Would you expect a package delivered if you only added the item to cart?”

Returning Student: “No that’d be stupid; you never paid for—”

(The returning student stops mid-sentence, realizing what he has said. He sheepishly walks away to class, only to come back after class apologizing profusely. He finally pays his fees and I give him his card. At the end of the day he returns with a Starbucks gift card for me.)

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