His Brain Is A Beautiful Library

(We have an odd coworker. We LOVE this guy; he is in his fifties, his work is perfect, and he is just so eager to help. He’s very intelligent, loves to talk philosophy and the like… but he has an anxiety disorder that, however much we try, can get on our nerves. No one ever snaps at him about this. This is an example of one of those days when we smile, grit our teeth and remind ourselves that he cannot help it. He has noticed that a former librarian and currently a volunteer has been weeding things for us. We usually give certain standards that must be met — i.e. if the book hasn’t been circulated for ten years, take it off the shelf and put it on a cart, or if the book is in really bad condition, torn up, dirty, etc., put it on the cart to be checked. He really wants to try his hand at weeding and finally wears me down. I tell him to pull only books from a certain section that, according to the stamp, have not gone out since 2012. He proceeds to bring each book to my office.)

Coworker: “This one hasn’t gone out since 2015. Should I put it on the cart?”

Me: “No, only if the last date is 2012 do you want to put it on the cart.”

Coworker: “Okay.”

(Two seconds later.)

Coworker: “This book is stamped 2012, but there’s also a 2013, five 2015s, and a 2017.”

Me: “Then 2012 isn’t the last date, right?”

Coworker: “Oh, right.”

(Three seconds later:)

Coworker: “This one isn’t stamped at all.”

Me: “And what does the spine label say?”

Coworker: “Oh! It’s a new book. I just shelved this a few minutes ago.”

Me: “That’s right.”

(A second later, [Coworker] presents me with a book that one needs a hazmat suit to touch and I wonder how on earth it ever went out in that condition.)

Coworker: “This isn’t too bad, is it?”

Me: “[Coworker], give me that. I’m withdrawing it right now. And go use some hand sanitizer and bring me some.”

Coworker: “I guess it was in pretty bad shape, huh?”

(This goes on for every. Single. Book. He. Pulled. At the end of the hour, he saya something like:)

Coworker: “I don’t think I’m ready to do weeding after all. I am too afraid of making a mistake.”

Me: “Well, you gave it a shot and that’s what’s important. You shouldn’t be afraid of making a mistake, though, because [Volunteer] and I both look over the cart and decide if we will really toss the book or not, so we’d catch it if you didn’t.”

Coworker: “Oh, that’s right. But I wouldn’t want you to think I was stupid and couldn’t figure out how to decide if a book is too old or not.”

Me: “We never would think that, [Coworker]. I appreciate you wanting to try something new.”

Coworker: “Is it okay if I go back to shelving books? That’s so much easier.”

(That’s what kills me. Most people find the Dewey decimal system a huge challenge — it was for me at one time, as well — but he has absolutely no trouble getting the books in the right order. But figuring out that 2012 should be the LAST date stamped in an old book is a scary process. He is still with us, still greets each of us about fifteen times each morning, and he is still making our lives easier by shelving everything in perfect Dewey order. To be honest, since he gave up on being a weeder instead of a reader, he seems to have calmed down quite a bit. And according to his counselor, he’s doing really well in the world!)