His Attitude Yo-Yos

(I was watching an amazing artistic film from Cirque du Soleil. A friend of mine has decided to join me just in time for the diabolos act, a performance done by four young girls each manipulating a rapidly spinning wooden spool on a string between two wooden rods. Having purchased one myself, I’m aware it’s much more complicated than it looks.)

Friend: “What are those things they’re spinning?”

Me: “Diabolos. Basically Chinese yo-yos.”

Friend: “Well s***, you’d have to be Chinese to get any enjoyment out of that. Bet those kids probably made them, too. Wonder what the labor laws are like in Italy?”

Me: *trying to resist being too mean* “This is based out of Canada.”

Friend: “No s***? Well maybe they shipped all of these freaks over from China then.”

(As an aspiring costumer, hoping to one day join the ranks of this brilliant company, this is becoming very insulting, very fast. I get up and move into my room to hunt up my own diabolo.)

Friend: “What’cha doing?”

Me: *comes back out, holding Chinese yo-yo* “Wanna try it?”

Friend: “Holy s***! You have one?!”

(We go outside and I demonstrate how to use it. You have to get it spinning fast by moving it along the string from left to right to get it moving in that direction. I only know how to toss it up about fifteen or twenty feet and catch it again, small potatoes compared to the girls in the company. I do so and watch in satisfaction as his jaw drops. He snatches it from me.)

Friend: “Let ME try that!”

(He starts tugging it back and forth equally in both directions, succeeding in making it wobble aimlessly. He snaps the string and sends it hurtling into the bushes instead of straight up. He fishes it out and tries several more times, each time sending the poor yo-yo further and further in weird directions.)

Me: “What’cha think?”

Friend: “Shut up! This is simple; it’s Chinese!”

(Three more tries ended with it landing once on the roof, once in the fish pond, and then a final time smacking him and coming down on his face. I led him back inside and fetched him an ice pack. For the rest of the film, he was oddly quiet. Probably had a lot to do with that chipped tooth and chipped dignity.)