A Very Secure Marriage

(We have a security company who picks up our banking a couple of times a week. They dress very casually so as not to draw any attention. They usually say hi or wave as they pass by our front counter, so that managers can be directed to the office. I am working on the floor when I hear a staff member yell from the front of the store. This staff member questions everything.)

Staff Member: *yelling* “[MY NAME], SECURITY’S HERE!”

(I race for our office door which is at the back of the store.)

Me: “Oh, I am so sor—”

Staff Member: *from front of store* “SECURITY’S HERE”

(I see him cringe.)

Me: “I’m sorry; I’ll be having words with her. It won’t happen again.”

(I quickly call the front desk on the phone.)

Me: “Okay, I have it. Stop calling it out. I need to talk to you later.”

(I finish with the security guy and head down to the front counter.)

Me: “[Staff Member], security has asked me to talk to you about the way you announce their arrival. You can’t do it like that”.

Staff Member: *in her usual loud shrill voice* “Why?’

Me: *quietly* “Because they are here to pick up the banking and don’t want to draw attention to themselves.”

Staff Member: “So? It’s their job.”

Me: “They don’t want to draw attention due to carrying thousands of dollars in their bag, so they don’t get held up or worse.”

Staff Member: “So what am I supposed to call them?”

Me: “For one thing don’t yell anything across the shop. If you must say anything, either phone or page. Call them a courier or something, but not security or banking guy. Just stop yelling it. Actually just page me to the office; don’t even call them a courier.”

Staff Member: “If I just page you to the office, how do you know who it is for?”

Me: *internally cursing* “They come on the same day every week. I’ll know.”

Staff Member: “But what if you call me and ask who it is?”

Me: *more internal swearing* “Tell me my boyfriend is here.”

Staff Member: “Your boyfriend? But you’re married”.

Me: *even more internal swearing* “That is how I’ll know it’s security.”

Staff Member: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Yes. I’m going on break.” *runs off before my internal swearing becomes external swearing*