He’s The Onion Knight

(My late grandfather was quite a character. He lived in a small town where my family also lived for about fifteen years. After church on Sundays, we’d often go to one of the local places to eat. He would often tease the waitresses, asking if they had any “fresh” water or similar type things. He also was a HUGE fan of raw onion. One exchange has always stood out as a fond memory of one of these occasions.)

Waitress: “What can I get you to drink?”

Grandpa: “Water, please. Though, is it fresh?”

Waitress: “Well, it’s fresh from the tap. If you need it any fresher than that, there’s a hose and tap outside.”

Grandpa: “I guess that’ll do, then.”

Waitress: “What can I get you to eat?”

Grandpa: “I’ll get the burger special. And can I get extra onion on that? And I mean, a lot of extra onion.”

Sister: “He really means it. A lot of onion.”

Waitress: “I’m sure we can do that.”

(When she brings the plates of food, she sets down his plate in front of him with a big grin. On top of the burger patty is a whole, peeled onion. An ENTIRE white onion.) 

Waitress: “Will that work for you?”

Grandpa: *howling with laughter* “That should just about be enough.”

(She became one of our regular waitresses and often asked if he wanted a whole onion today, or if a few extra rings would do.)