He’s Pushing Down Daisies

, , , , , , | Related | February 8, 2018

(Thirteen family members live at my house, and it is common to have visitors many of us don’t know. There is an outside gate, and visitors have to use the intercom to be let in the yard. Whoever opens the door may not be the person who answered the intercom. I open the door to see a girl in her late teens.)

Girl: “Hi!”

Me: “Hi, nice to meet you. Come on in.”

Girl: “Okay. Do I sit down?”

Me: “Sure. Have a seat.”

(This is a common scenario for the person opening the door if someone else answered the intercom. Ten minutes later…)

Cousin: “Hey, there’s a girl on the couch downstairs!”

Aunt: “What do you mean?”

Me: “Wait. The girl I opened the door for?”

(It is.)

Me: “Hi. Are you still waiting?”

Girl: “Yes. Where is [Brother]?”

Me: “Let me get him.”

(I knock on my brother’s door and find it locked.)

Me: “Hey. Some girl is waiting for you.”

Brother: *no reply*

Me: “Hello!”

(This is before cell-phones, and he doesn’t have a room phone, so I intercom the living room phone, which is on a separate system.)

Me: “Hey. [Brother]’s door is locked and he’s not answering. Who’s the visitor?”

Aunt: “[Brother]’s girlfriend. He himself let her in the gate.”

Me: *bangs on door* “Hey! What’s going on? That’s your girlfriend downstairs!”

Grandpa: “Huh?”

Me: “Do you have the key? Something isn’t right.”

Grandpa: “Yeah, hang on.”

(My aunt, cousin, and the girlfriend all come up.)

Girl: *bangs on door* “Hey, you s***! I’m here!”

(My grandpa gets the key and opens the door to find… an empty room. Also, an opened window.)

Grandpa: “Where is that boy?!”

(We start organizing a search of all the rooms, all the while apologising to his girlfriend, who is very confused and starting to get pissed. Then, my grandpa looks out the window. We’re on the second floor.)

Grandpa: “[Brother]! He’s lying on the flower bed!”

Us: “What?!”

Girl: “What in the world?”

Grandpa: “He must have gone out the window and fell! Call an ambulance.”

(We scrambled to him and noticed he hadn’t cracked his head or anything; he just had some scratches. He woke up after we slapped him a few times. What really happened? His girlfriend’s parents are locksmiths, and she wants to be one, too. My brother wanted to impress her by locking his door, and then picking it when she came up. Their date, however, was at the hospital getting his head checked. It was fine, thankfully.)

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