He’s Not The Sharpest Tool

| Working | November 13, 2013

(We work at an ice cream parlor, and since it’s winter, we’re having a pretty slow night. I’m cleaning while my coworker is playing with the banana knife. He’s a teenage boy and I’m a late 20s girl.)

Coworker #1: “Hey [My Name], look what I can do!”

(He picks up the knife and slams it point first onto the cutting board, slicing open his hand.)

Me: “Oh f***! We gotta get that taken care of!”

(I rush him to the back where the first aid kit is, and we try to doctor it, but it’s pretty obvious that won’t be enough.)

Coworker #1: “I’m going to call my dad.”

Me: “Okay, keep your hand above your heart and I’ll go keep an eye on the front.”

(I go out to the front, where Coworker #2 has appeared.)

Coworker #2: “What happened?!”

(I explain.)

Coworker #2: “Why would he do that?”

Me: “Because [Coworker #1] is an idiot!”

(Coworker #1 comes back out to the front.)

Coworker #1: “My dad is going to come take me to urgent care.”

Me: “Okay, you better clock out since you can’t work like this. When I see [Manager] tomorrow, we’ll fill out an injury report. Keep pressure on the wound and put your hand above your heart.”

(The entire 15 minutes or so we’re waiting for his ride, I have to repeatedly remind him to keep his hand above his heart while he just keeps grinning and laughing at me. He ended up getting stitches and we were a worker short for about a month, and all because he was trying to show off to a married woman.)

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