He’s Having A Bear Of A Time With His Bigotry

, , , , , , | Working | June 3, 2021

I have a coworker who regularly comes to visit our cubicle to hang out and banter for a little while. He is prone to resorting to exaggeration or hyperbole to get a response out of people rather or not he really means it. One day he brings up trans individuals.

Coworker: “If they can decide to be what they want, so should I. From now on, I’ve decided I’m going to self-identify as a bear.”

Me: “You want people to call you a bear?”

Coworker: “Yes, I identify as a bear. You have to respect that!”

Me: “You do know what most people think it means when a man calls himself a bear, right?”

Coworker: “That you need to call me that because that’s what I identify as!”

Me: “Yeah, calling yourself a bear usually means you’re a big gay man who is extra proud about it.”

Coworker: “There is no way that’s true!”

Some quick Googling brings up an article on “Bear (gay culture)” backing up my claims. He ended up wandering off then, but near the end of the day, he wanders back to my cubicle.

Coworker: “I looked it up and you were right about bears, so now I’ve decided to identify as a grizzly bear, specifically.”

Me: “I admit that I haven’t heard of that in gay slang before, but just to be sure…”

I do some quick Googling.

Me: “Okay, looks like now you are a big gay man who is extra hairy.”

Coworker: “Really?!”

Me: “See for yourself.”

Coworker: “Fine, then I’ll identify as a panda bear.”

One quick search later…

Me: “Okay, now you identify as a big gay man who has extra hair and is of Asian descent. You know, I’m really glad you finally are comfortable enough to come out to us all like that. I’m sure everyone will be very supportive of you!”

Coworker: “You have to be making this up.”

Me: “Says it right here. You know, I think your effort to mock the LGBT community has been thwarted by your lack of understanding of the LGBT community.”

He just looked lost. Sadly, he apparently didn’t catch on to the point I was trying to make; the next day he came in to tell me he had decided to identify as an Abrams tank, instead. Yes, I did Google it, but I couldn’t find any amusing slang meanings for that one.

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