He’s Gonna Need To Do Some Sole Searching

I worked in a specialty shoe store. I was fitting an elderly man with shoes; his wife was sitting next to him. He looked at me and said:

Elderly Man: “I love seeing a woman working on her knees.”

Me: “Yes, it’s the perfect height for punching a man in a specific area.”

Elderly Man: *Shocked.* “Hey, I was just kidding!”

Elderly Woman: *Laughing her a** off.* “Ha! I told you one of these days that mouth of yours was going to get you into trouble!”

Elderly Man: “But I was just kidding!”

Elderly Woman: “I told you times have changed, honey. One of these days someone is gonna punch you in the nuts, and when it happens I’m going to laugh even harder than I am right now.”

She turns to me.

Elderly Woman: “Where are the store’s cameras? I’ll stand between them and you so that you get a clean shot.”

Me: “You’ve… put thought into this.”

Elderly Woman: “You have no idea how many times I have heard that “joke”.”

Me: “Ma’am, I am a woman working in a shoe store. I guarantee I have heard it more times than you have. That is why I have rehearsed responses to it.”

She laughs, but a little sadder this time. Her husband has tossed the shoes I was fitting away and has stormed out of the store barefoot.

Elderly Woman: *Sigh.* “This is gonna be another day of sulking, just like when I told him he couldn’t make the ‘milk’ joke with the waitresses at the diner anymore…”