He’s Going To Be Bedbugging You All Night

, , , | Right | October 26, 2019

(A guest has come to the front desk to check in.)

Guest: “Now, before we do anything else… Has this hotel ever had a case of bedbugs?!”

(Some education for those not aware: literally every hotel that has operated for more than a few months has had bedbugs. Every. Last. One. They’re an unfortunately unavoidable pest, as there are no pesticides that are effective on them that are not toxic to humans, as well. Good hotels — like the one I work for — inspect for them daily and treat them as soon as any signs are detected, but that is all that can be done. Unfortunately, since most people are not aware of this and assume that any history of bedbugs means a hotel is dirty, the official company policy of most hotels is deny, deny, deny. I’m literally not allowed to say yes to this question.)

Me: *though I’m wincing internally* “No, sir, we haven’t had any issues with bedbugs.”

Guest: “Hmm… Fine. Check me in!”

(We get through the check-in process just fine and the guest goes up to his room.)

Coworker: “Man… I hate lying about that stuff.”

Me: “I know, but it wasn’t like he was going to find someplace that could honestly give him a different answer if I told him the truth.”

Coworker: “True.”

(About thirty minutes later, the same guest comes down and stomps right over to the desk, holding out his hand triumphantly.)

Guest: “This is a bedbug, isn’t it?!”

(Now, additionally, even though after a while you get to know what a bedbug looks like, hotel staff is not allowed to confirm or deny that any reported insects are bedbugs. We are supposed to call in pest control and have them make that determination. However, looking at what the man is holding in front of my face, I have to hold back a laugh.)

Me: “Well, sir… I’m not an entomologist… but I believe that is a bit of lint.”

(The guest scowls at me, inspects his lint, gives me another suspicious glare, and then stomps off, muttering to himself.)

Coworker: “Seriously?”

Me: “Yep.”

(If you’re that paranoid about bedbugs, my only suggestion is not to stay in hotels!)

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