He’s Behaving Penny Dreadful

(We are a bulk discount bookstore and have a popular deal — three for £5 — on paperback books. Our sale has just started, but head office just prints off a load of barcodes so it takes ages to sticker all of the sale stock manually and sometimes things are missed. The store is a really relaxed environment, so customers are used to this.)

Me: “Hi. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Just these three, please. Three for £5, right?”

Me: *scans items* “Actually, sir, these have all been reduced to 99 pence each, so your total is £2.97.”

Customer: “No. They’re three for £5; scan again.”

Me: “Sir, your books are in the sale. You’re saving money.”

Customer: “I can’t believe you’re trying to con me. It’s three for £5! Your sign says it right there!”

Me: “But, sir, I can’t charge you more than the till tells me to. You’re saving money.”

(The customer is waving a five-pound note in my face and is getting very annoying. My manager is a kooky lady who is borderline retired. She is crouched behind the till, laughing at the entire exchange. I am calm but even I am getting annoyed by the man. He rants and raves for a few minutes as I try to explain that £2.97 is less than five pounds, but to no avail.)

Me: “Sir, I’ll just get my manager. She can explain that you’re actually getting a better deal.”

Customer: “Listen, you little c***. Put the books in the bag, and take my f****** money.”

Me: “Sir, you don’t need to swear. I can’t take the money.”

Customer: “Dumb b****.”

(In the end, I have enough of being sworn at. I take his five-pound note and ring through the sale at £2.97, as the till tells me to. I say nothing as I do this.)

Customer: “That wasn’t so hard, was it?”

Me: *rolls eyes*

Customer: “Don’t you roll your eyes at me!”

Me: “They’re my eyes. I’ll do what I like with them.”

(The customer looks ready to blow. He’s bright red in the face.)

Me: “Your change, £2.03 from £5, sir.”

Customer: *eye-twitch*

(The man snatches his bag and leaves his change. After I watch him leave, I put his change in the charity donation box. My manager unfurls herself from her hiding spot.)

Manager: “I love watching you deal with a***holes.”

(“They’re my eyes, I’ll do what I like with them” became somewhat of a meme with the rest of the store staff after that.)