He’s A Different Kind Of Nut(s)

Coworker: “Huh, this tea tastes like almonds…”

Me: *jokingly* “Maybe it’s poisoned.”

(They give me a questioning look.)

Coworker: “What? Why would it be poisoned?”

Me: “You know, almonds. Cyanide tastes like almonds.”

(Everyone around me has turned to give me funny looks now.)

Coworker #2: “[My Name], how do you know that?”

Me: “Uh… I don’t actually know…”

Coworker #2: “Right, nobody accept anything almond flavoured from [My Name], just in case he goes crazy and tries to kill us all.”

Me: “Hey, I’m not going to go crazy and poison you all! If I went on a killing spree, I’d definitely use a homemade bomb.”

Coworker: “How do you know how to build a bomb?!”

Me: “I did chemistry at uni.”

Coworker #2: “Okay, yeah, that one’s fair enough.” *everyone turns back to their work*