Heroic Mums Prefer To Keep Mum

(I’m a customer at a local butcher with my mum. An older customer, maybe in his 60s, is giving the employee behind the counter a hard time. He’s patronising her and being all-around unhelpful. It’s obvious the employee is new and, by the way she is talking, appears to have a disability.)

Customer: *jabs a finger at the meat* “No! Not that piece! THAT one!”

(This has been going on for several minutes, and the employee is nearly in tears.)

Customer: *sarcastically* “I’m only trying to help you, love!”

(My mum, who is usually very easy-going, suddenly confronts the customer.)

My Mum: “No, you’re not! You’re being very rude!”

Customer: “Look, I just want my meat! Is that so hard?”

My Mum: “Well, you don’t have to be so rude about it! This poor girl is trying her best!”

Customer: “You can’t talk to me like that! I used to be an officer of the law!”

My Mum: “That’s worse! You should be ashamed of yourself, a man your age behaving like this!”

Customer: “Why don’t you step outside? I’ll have you arrested!”

My Mum: “I’d like to see you try!”

(Seeing that my mum isn’t going to be intimidated or back down, the customer leaves, looking very subdued. My mum quickly orders her meat and leaves before the employee, who is now truly in tears, can thank her properly.)

Me: *as we’re leaving* “Mum, she wanted to thank you.”

My Mum: “Being in one scene was embarrassing enough. I don’t need to be in two, thank-you-very-much!”