Here Today, Gone Tomorrow, Or The Next Day

(It is Monday afternoon and the customer on the phone needs their shipment in a hurry.)

Me: “Since it’s late in the day, shipping will resume tomorrow. Would you like next-day or second day shipping?”

Caller: “Next day. I’ll get that tomorrow, right?”

Me: “No, we can ship tomorrow, Tuesday, and you’ll have it on Wednesday.”

Caller: “What about second day?”

Me: “Shipping it tomorrow via second day will get it to you on Thursday.”

Caller: “Wait. Next day is tomorrow. Tomorrow in the next day. Wednesday is two days from now. Why are telling me that next day is really two days from now?”

Me: “Because we will not be shipping until tomorrow. All shipments for today have already left.”

Caller: “Since I can’t get it until Wednesday, just ship it second day. Why pay all that extra money when they will both arrive on the same day?”

Me: “Sir, second day won’t arrive Wednesday.”

Caller: “Yes it will. I’m good at math and I can add! Goodbye!”

(I made a great many notes in his account for whatever poor agent gets him on the phone when his package does not arrive on Wednesday.)