Her Slap Is Worse Than Her Bite

(An elderly woman approaches me.)

Customer: “Miss, can you please do me a favour?”

Me: “Sure thing. How can I help?”

Customer: “I need you to look after my dog.”

(I am slightly alarmed, as we are in the fresh meat section.)

Me: “Is your dog in the shop?”

Customer: “Of course not! Who brings a dog to a shop?!”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry but I can’t mind your dog. As you can see I’m actually working in the store at the moment, so I can’t leave.”

Customer: “Are you refusing to help me?!”

Me: “No, miss. I’m afraid I simply can’t leave in the middle of a shift to mind a stranger’s dog.”

(She proceeds to slap me HARD in the face.)

Customer: “Why won’t you help me?!”

(She slaps me on the other cheek, and storms away. I turn to find a queue of customers at customer service, and a coworker looking on in horror.)

Me: “I need hazard pay for this job.”

Other Customer: “Holy s***, how did you not slap her back?”

Me: “Years of practice.”