Her Knowledge Of Food Is A Little Shrimpy

I work at a tiny pick-up/delivery restaurant in an affluent area by a major university and hospital. Most customers are from surrounding neighborhoods or drunk/high uni students and stressed-out nurses. This is my second job but the first one where I’ve had to deal with customers face-to-face. I was given no training, so it has been a bit of a learning curve.

Enter [Customer], who looks like she was born with not just a chip but a whole block on both shoulders. She comes in and orders one of our more popular items: fried rice. Our fried rice has the option to add a meat for $1 more. She specifically wants shrimp fried rice.

Me: “All right, madam, that’ll be $6.66.”

Customer: *Aghast* “What? But the menu says $5.66!”

Me: “Yes, madam, but meat costs $1.”

Her face fills with pure disbelief and contempt, her lip curling up in growing outrage, and then, she grinds out in a near hiss:

Customer: “SHRIMP IS A MEAT?”

I’m shocked at the ridiculous question. It’s clearly listed under MEATS on the menu, and my brain seems to have stopped functioning.

Me: “Um, yes, madam. Meat is when you partake of a living creature’s flesh, and it used to be a little animal swimming around in the ocean.”

I wiggle a hand to emphasize without thinking because brain now broken. The customer’s eyes grow big with indignation. I brace for yelling; I have enough entitled relatives to recognize the signs. WHY AM I HERE ALONE?! THIS SUCKS!

The customer snorts like an angry bull. I’m surprised she doesn’t slam a fist on the counter; it looks like she wants to but she is holding a clutch purse.

Customer: “HOW DARE YOU?! THIS IS A SCAM! SHRIMP ISN’T A MEAT! THIS IS A RIP-OFF!”

She rants for a bit. I start tuning her out, since she isn’t anything close to as scary as my mom when she’s pissed.

I see her take a breath and I jump in.

Me: “Do you want to order the shrimp fried rice, madam, or perhaps a regular one?”

Customer: “CANCEL IT!”

She storms out through the door. Luckily, it’s propped open; it’s a glass door and would have broken from a good slam.

Me: “Ooookay.”

Fortunately, she never returned and the shift manager — when he returned from a delivery — thought it was hilarious.