Her Colon Still Has Eight Good Years

(I’m at the doctor’s office with my aunt for a physical examination. There’s a poster with a picture of platform heels on it that says, “If you remember wearing these, you probably need a colonoscopy.”)

Me: “Hey, [Aunt], do you remember wearing platform heels?”

Aunt: “Um, [My Name], those are for fifty-year-old people like your dad and [Other Aunt]. I have eight years to go.”

Me: “Are you sure you’ve never worn platform heels before?”

Aunt: “That’s irrelevant. It’s still for fifty-year-olds, and I have eight years to go.”