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Her Brain Needs More Batteries

, , , , | Right | CREDIT: pizzanerd1 | October 7, 2021

I work as an assistant manager at a pizzeria, and my job is a little bit of everything. Yesterday, a paper towel dispenser wasn’t working; the batteries that powered it were dead. We didn’t have any spares in the restaurant, so I took my motorcycle to my local grocery store down the road.

I went in and swerved past all the people doing their dinnertime shopping. After years of stopping at the store, many of the employees know me as “the dude who works at the pizza place down the road,” and I was in full uniform, wearing jeans and a black shirt that had bits of flour on the shoulders. The logo of the pizza company was plastered on my chest as well as the middle of my red apron.

I went to the location of the batteries — a counter between check stands three and four — and began looking for D batteries. Before I could reach out and grab my choice, I heard an “ahem” from behind me.

Customer: “Excuse me. Do you have any toilet paper?”

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t work here, but I think they’re on aisle twelve.”

Customer: *Huffing* “Well, are you going to take me there?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I don’t work here.”

I grab my batteries.

Customer: “Don’t lie to me. You’re wearing an apron!”

Just then, a cashier who I know opens check stand four. I swerve past the customer and place my batteries on the conveyor belt

Cashier: “He, [My Name], how’s it going?”

Customer: “Excuse me. I want to complain about this rude employee of yours.” *Points a finger at me* “He won’t show me where the toilet paper is.”

Me: “Ma’am, I don’t work here.”

Customer: “Then why are you wearing an apron?”

I point to the pizzeria logo on my apron.

Me: “I work at [Pizzeria] down the road. I don’t work here. I just came here for batteries.”

Cashier: “The batteries come to $11.50.”

I pay for the batteries and turn to the customer one last time.

Me: “The toilet paper is on aisle twelve. Have a nice day.”

At the end of the night, I went back to the grocery store with a box of pepperoni pizza. I saw [Cashier] closing a register, and we had a laugh as she told me this was not the first time that particular customer had mistaken another customer for an employee.