He’ll Have The Obnoxiously Sweet Ham

(I am working with one coworker who is in a horrible mood and refusing to serve customers unless she absolutely has to. She was wiping a bench and I am carefully washing raw chicken juice off my arms to serve a man who is standing right in front of my coworker, patiently waiting as she ignores him. A loud, slightly deranged regular comes in and, assuming the other customer is being served, approaches me.)

Loud Customer: *cheerful* “Hey love! How are ya?”

Me: “I’m good. I hope you’re well! Sorry, but I have to take care of this gentleman here first. You’re next, though. I promise.”

Loud Customer: “S’fine, what about the other lady? Lady! Hey, heeey! I need some brawn! Pork brawn, thank you, love!”

Coworker: *defeated sigh*

(She serves the loud customer and I serve the other man. The loud customer is VERY loudly chattering away about some conspiracy theory and why he doesn’t eat certain hams. My coworker and I both wind up at the wrapping station for our orders at the same time.)

Coworker: *mutters darkly, so only I can hear* “Holy f****ing h***.”

Me: “Ha. I love him! He actually made you do your job.”

Coworker: *cracks her first smile of the day* “I know; I hate it.”

(As the loud customer left, he practically yelled at my coworker to feel better. Apparently being obnoxious isn’t so bad, as long as you’re sweet at the same time!)