Hell Hath No Fury Like A Woman With Fake Stones

(A woman comes up to the counter with a tennis bracelet.)

Customer: “I’d like to have this professionally cleaned, please.”

Me: “We’d be happy to do that for you. Can you give me the value so that we can put that on the form for insurance?”

Customer: “Of course. It’s worth $15,000.”

Me: “Ma’am, for such a high value, I’ll need to verify that these are actually diamonds.”

Customer: “Of course they’re real diamonds! My husband gave that to me for our anniversary, and said it was diamonds!”

(I go and get our diamond tester from the back. If the stones are diamonds, the machine will beep. I test the bracelet in front of her. It doesn’t beep.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but these are more than likely cubic zirconia, and the highest value I could insure this bracelet for is $2,000.”

Customer: “I don’t believe you! Your machine must be broken!”

(I reach into the display case, and pull out a diamond ring. I silently test multiple stones, and the machine beeps as it should.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but it’s functioning properly. We’ll be happy to send your bracelet out for cleaning, but will only be able to insure it for $2,000.”

(The woman’s face at this point is so contorted with rage she looks like she’s going to pop. She snatches the bracelet up and runs out of the store.)

Manager: “I’d like to be a fly on the wall, when he gets home!”