Helicopter Moms And The Fight Against The Nog

, , , , | Related | December 23, 2018

(I’m at a family Christmas party at my grandparents’ house. Our cousins from out of town are there, and their mom is well-known for being exceptionally controlling. This is just one of many instances.)

Grandpa: “Who wants eggnog?”

(We kids all gather around the counter as he starts pouring glasses. This is non-alcoholic eggnog, just to be clear. My cousin is eight years old.)

Cousin: “I’ve never had eggnog before!”

Me: “Really? How have you not had eggnog before?!”

(Just then, my aunt, [Cousin]’s mom, quickly comes over to the counter.)

Aunt: “You’re trying eggnog?”

Cousin: “Yeah! Is it good?”

Aunt: “Yeah, but… just a little, okay? I’m not sure that you’ll like it.”

(I watch, amused, as she stands at [Cousin]’s shoulder, completely tense. Grandpa starts pouring a glass for [Cousin].)

Aunt: “No, no, no! That’s too much! Just a little!”

(Grandpa pours a new glass, and [Aunt] shouts at him to stop pouring when there’s barely a mouthful of eggnog in the glass. [Cousin] picks up the glass excitedly.)

Aunt: “Wait. That might be too much. You might not drink it all. You might not like it.”

Grandpa: “It’s fine. Let her try it. If she doesn’t drink it all, I’ll finish it for her.”

Aunt: “Hang on. No, wait. You might not like it. Just a sip, okay, [Cousin]? Just a tiny sip.”

([Cousin] is clearly annoyed, and she very slowly raises the glass to her lips. [Aunt] hovers over her with her hand half-reaching for the glass, as if the greatest moral dilemma of her life is unfolding before her eyes. At the last possible second, [Aunt] snatches the glass away.)

Aunt: “No, don’t drink it. You won’t like it. You won’t like it. I’m sure you won’t like it. Maybe some other time.”

(She handed [Cousin’s] glass to another kid at the counter. [Cousin] had clearly had experiences like this before, because she just sulked and walked away while I thanked my lucky stars that [Aunt] isn’t MY mom.)

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