Heimdall Didn’t See That One Coming

(Our phone has caller display and unwanted calls tend to come up as either ‘Unavailable’ or ‘Withheld’. On this occasion the display shows ‘Unavailable’ but I answer it anyway. There is a pause before the obvious chatter of a call centre came on. )

Me: “Hello, Asgard? Loki speaking.”

Caller: “Hello, I am from the Windows Service Centre and I am calling about your computer. How are you today?”

Me: “Okay.”

Caller: “You are getting errors on your computer; there are problems in the files which will cause it to crash at some point.”

Me: “Oh, okay.”

Caller: “Are you in front of your computer?”

Me: “No.”

Caller: “You need to go to your computer and turn it on, and tell me when it’s ready. I am holding the line.”

Me: “Okay.” *pretends to call to another person* “Thor? Where’s the computer?” *puts phone down for a minute or so before going back to the call* “It’s not here.”

Caller: “The computer is not there?”

Me: “No, it’s in Midgard.”

Caller: “What? It’s where?”

Me: “Midgard.”

Caller: “Where’s that? Is that another town?”

Me: “It’s a whole other land. This is Asgard.”

Caller: *confused* “…Do you have a laptop?”

Me: “We have no need for computers here. We’re gods; we don’t need a laptop. We use magic and godly powers.”

Caller: “…I’m calling about the Windows operating system.”

Me: “Yeah, we don’t use it here.”

Caller: *increasingly confused* “Okay, bye.”

Me: *cheerily* “Bye!”